can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
