I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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