Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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