ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
