Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
