she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
