my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
