somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
