brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If that was your dad, he is hot
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
