Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
