I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
