Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
