Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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