im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
smell my finger.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
