I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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