God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
