I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize