Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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