I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
