I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
