i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
