So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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