u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
