Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
