I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
