Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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