No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
