I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
