these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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