I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
