Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
