If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
