I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
