All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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