You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
