wrigley field is MILF paradise
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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