i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
