Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize