I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
