My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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