so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
