it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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