I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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