I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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