I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
