not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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