Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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