the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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