we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
