So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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