No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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