my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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