im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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