is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
