Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
