Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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