Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
