its not stalking. its research.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
