If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wish there were birth control emojis
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
