My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
