just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
