bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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