escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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