if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
