thus making me awesome and them whores
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
