If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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