She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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