Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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